A Gift

It's been a full couple of weeks in our household, let me tell ya!  It felt like we just got settled back into a bit of a routine, and then it was Easter, so our schedule went right out the window.  The weather has also been getting nice (and snow has actually been melting...I was beginning to think Spring would never come!), so we've been spending every spare minute outside.  The Girls are scurrying, trying to get school finished up in the next few weeks before our "Yippee!!  School is Done (hopefully!) Getaway!"

In the midst of this all, I received a gift.  Not unusual, you may say.  But let me tell you, this gift has stirred quite a mound of emotions within my heart.

My first feeling concerning this gift is guilt.  I've struggled with feeling "worthy" of receiving this gift.  I've felt very undeserving, and extremely insecure about the whole issue.  I know, crazy right?  A gift is a gift.  I should just be enjoying this gift.... However, with this particular gift, I've also felt very conflicted.  I've been enjoying this gift immensely, but there is a part of me which thinks that this gift, although extremely practical, could also be viewed as frivolous.  I've felt the need to explain to others how this gift came to be in my possession, and for the most part, I haven't....but I still feel the urge.  Because what will people think? 

Normally, I couldn't give a rat's behind what others think, but for some reason....this gift has messed with my mind.  Seriously.

I've been given the same advice by a dear friend...."Don't feel guilty.  Just don't.  Enjoy it!", and I  know that in many cases, it is mind over matter.  So I've been trying.  And slowly, it's-a comin'.

It's been interesting though, that this gift of mine came around the Easter season.  And it got me thinking, "How do I receive the gift of salvation?" Or even...."Do I willingly receive the gift of salvation?"  And I've realized, that when I really sit down and think about it, I feel fairly guilty about that gift as well.

I was thinking, "What if a friend of mine offered up their son as a sacrifice for my sins?  What would my reaction be?"  Oh my.  I couldn't do it!  I couldn't watch a friend send their dearly loved son...to stand in for me.  And yet, that's what God did for us.  He sent Jesus, perfect in every way, to the cross....to death....just for me.  And my sins.  Wow.  Talk about a sacrifice!  Would I do that for one of my loved ones?  For a perfect stranger?  I don't think so... it's not in our nature.  But it is in God's nature.

So I've been contemplating, and thinking, and examining my heart this Easter season.  I've been trying to freely received the gift.  And "THE gift."  And instead of feeling guilty, I've consciously been trying to take hold of that guilt and change it into thankfulness.  Because I am thankful.  So very, very thankful, of the many gifts I have been given.

Funny, isn't it, how God can take some material thing, in my case, this gift, something I would never imagine that has any "spiritual" benefit, and use that to show us what is in our hearts, if we'll let Him?